1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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