I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
