why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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