Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
