I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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