his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
