i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
