It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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