The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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