How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
