he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
