Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
