Three words: puerto rican gang bang
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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