coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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