I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
What a dumb baby whore.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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