my mouth tastes like poor choices
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
