3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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