Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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