I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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