I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
