non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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