i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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