i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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