Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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