I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
