No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Randomize
