I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
