You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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