i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
