Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
