yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
