I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
