nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Randomize
