So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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