Umm I'm too high to move.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
It's rum buckets o'clock
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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