I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
