Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
not ubering you a puppy
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
