distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I just had sex on a roof
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
