he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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