So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
