My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
