Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize