not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you didnt know i had herpes?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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