There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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