my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
