how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I didn't notice because vodka
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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