Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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