Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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