I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
