you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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