she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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