you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
