i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
