Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
