she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
