Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
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