when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
