we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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