Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
