i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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