At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
