Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
