Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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