Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize