Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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